Friday, May 15, 2015

Topdog's Tome of Terrible Treassures (Part Three)

Welcome one again to my tome of terrible treassures! Most of the items listed in the previous post are now in use in my local gaming group (we're training up a new DM, and he's not only rather homicidal, but also rather generous with his magic items). So here are a few more of the strangest and most bewildering of magical artefacts...


A fairly boring looking goat horn.

Once per day, you may blow this horn to summon D6 goats.
(One of our members is actually playing as a goat...)


A somewhat grubby looking sock, woven with mystical runes and darned with magical threads.

Anything which this sock is pulled over will become completely silent. (Obviously, this is vital if one also possesses the Trombone of Invisibility)


One must always make time for tea.

At exactly 4 O’Clock each day, this teapot will whistle loudly and fill with excellent, boiling hot tea. It will also summon forth a  number of small biscuits equal to the number of people within 10m.


A set of heart-patterned long underwear of stupendously romantic design.

Once per day, you can make any being within line of sight fall in love with your for 1D6-1 minutes.


A wonderous, yellow arm band, which can be inflated with air through a small valve.

Grants a +2 bonus on swimming checks. (Vitally important as our campaign takes place on levitating islands over a world-spanning ocean... My hippoman priest picked this up at our last session)


A mighty and enchanted cutlass, with the word ‘ARRRR’ intricately picked out in tiny gems on the blade.

Sword, DL: 4.
+1 to attack rolls. Ignores 1 Armour Level.
(What were you expecting to be written on a pirate's favourite sword? This sword has a damage level one higher than normal, boosts your to-hit rolls and ignores a point of armour. Nothing fancy, but it is wielded by the pirate king in a low-level adventure)


It looks like an ordinary mop. It isn’t.

The Mop can be used as a spear, polearm or staff.
DL: 4.
50% chance of destroying an item of armour  on a successful hit.
(The magic mop of the cosmic cleaning lady? I must've been sniffing too much of Epic Mickey's paint thinner that day...)(High-fives to the Wii/Disney fans who got that reference!)


A pair of bronze tusk-caps fitted with ingenious contrivance for breathing fire.

Once every hour, you can cast Fireball at Fire Magic: 2
(Tamus are sort of the equivilent to Dwarves in the world of Harran - except they are Hippos.)


Made by pacifist monks from distant lands, it glows with purity and virtue.

Thrown weapon, Rng. 4/6/8. Blast 2.
Anything caught in the blast drops it’s weapons, and will not attack or perform violent actions for D6 turns (rolled individually)
(I've always loved the Zenade in The Ballad of Halo Jones, especially since it's sound effect is 'OHMMMMMMMMMMMM')


It explodes with red tape and opens a portal to the nether hell of paper work.

Thrown weapon. Rng 4/6/8. Blast 2.
Anything caught in the blast must spend a full turn filling out paperwork before performing any action for the next D6 turns (rolled individually)
(This is an item I got from the Seventh Sanctum random generator... it just had to happen)


A thick, leather volume bearing the name ‘Papers and Paychecks’. It appears to contain a highly complex set of rules for pretending to be something called an ‘office worker’ or ‘university student’ in something called ‘the real world’.
(All hail the silly cartoons in the original AD&D DMG!)


This finely made Monocle pops out when startled.

Precisely one second before anything surprising is about to happen, the monocle pops out.

Well, that seems like enough for one day... there are others, but some of them rely very heavily on Dice Chucker's rule system and I'd have to translate too much for them to be understood by non DC players...