Micro RPGs: Poor Clone Bastards

A while ago I got rather excited about the idea of micro RPGs - whole games that fit into less than a few pages. After playing Lasers and Feelings, Everyone is John and All Outta Bubblegum a few times (plus Swords and Scrolls and probably a few I've forgotten), I decided to have a go at my own micro system. I wanted to do something really brutal where PCs would regularly die in spectacular and amusing fashion. Thus was born Poor Clone Bastards, a game about the titular mind-controlled clones being sent to fix really REALLY dangerous problems, mostly via self-sacrifice.

POOR CLONE BASTARDS

Thanks to cheap, reliable rapid cloning, important skilled heroic operatives need no longer risk their life. Comfortably ensconced in distant command centres, they can remotely control armies of disposable Problem Correction Bioroids (PCBs, also known as Poor Clone Bastards) rather than risk their own necks.

Stuff you need:
A bunch of jelly babies
Some D12s
Some scrap paper and pencils
Absolutely no compassion for clones

Character Generation:
Each player writes down one special item of equipment that their clone squad are carrying.

For example:
Experimental Jetpacks
Mk.5 ‘Giblet Vaporiser’ Heavy Blaster Rays
Fake Groucho Marx moustaches

Clones:

Each player controls ten clones via a remote link. These clones do all of the fighting and dying. Individually, they are not much good, but in a group they can be quite effective - especially since no one cares if they die. In the game, clones are represented by jelly babies.

Doing things:
Whenever a player orders their clones to do anything hazardous, dangerous, tricky or more difficult than, say, walking, they must roll to see if their clones succeed. Roll a D12, and compare it to the number of clones the player controls. If the number is lower than the number of clones, then they succeed in their task (yay!) If the number is equal to or higher than the number of clones the player controls, they fail and one of the clones dies in some sort of needlessly elaborate and gruesome way. Plus the player gets to eat one of the clone jelly babies.

Special equipment:
If the player’s clones are carrying a piece of special equipment which could conceivably help them with the task at hand, instead of rolling a single D12, roll two and choose the lower result.

Sacrificing clones:
If a player really, REALLY wants to make sure they succeed on a test, they can choose to sacrifice a clone to automatically pass the test. This means they get to eat a jelly baby, so it’s also a viable tactic if they’re a bit hungry.

Running out of clones:
If a player runs out of clones, they are out of the game, but on the plus side, they have been allowed to eat ten delicious jelly babies.

The GMs bit:
So you want to run a game of Poor Clone Bastards? First you need some sort of terrible problem the poor clone bastards need to overcome. Then you need a sick sense of humour. Make things as hard as possible on the players, springing devilish traps and cunning complications which will mow down their clones in droves. Of course, it should be possible to overcome whatever problem they face by throwing enough clones at it, but that doesn’t mean it should be easy!

I also put together a list of suggestions for special equipment and locations.

SPECIAL EQUIPMENT:

Experimental Jetpacks
Mk.5 ‘Giblet Vaporiser’ Heavy Blaster Rays
Fake Groucho Marx moustaches
Frappacino Machine
Feet-B-Stuk Magnetic Boots
Magnetic Grapnel Gun
Hyper-Holistic Freem Beam Cannon
Big Shiny Spanners
Portable Computer
ChillMiester Potable Refrigerator
Dr. Kamikaze’s Infernal Device for Throwing Flame Over a Great Distance To the Detriment of The Naughty Enemy
Volts-2-U Portable generator
Privacy Invading Scanner goggles
Stuff-Finder Mk.XV Hand Scanner
Leap-o-matic Pogo stick
Megaphone
Hologram projector
Hands-B-Stuk Magnetic gloves
Snooper XL Series Camera drone
Boxing gloves
Artificial Duck
MobiDoc Medkit
Combat drugs
Sweet motorbike
Power loader
Miner’s helmet
Monomolecular Cheese Knife
Goop-Flinger adhesive gun
Fishing net

LOCATIONS:

Derelict space ship
Orbital factory
Bunker complex
Shopping mall
Paradise planet
Luxury space liner
Casino Station
Deep sea mining rig
Oil rig
Asteroid mine
Space battleship
Slums
Underground lab
Volcano base
Intercontinental Maglev train
Space junkyard
Garbage world
Abandoned Spaced station
Palace
Polar outpost
Chemical Plant
Alien ruins
Red Light District